NASA launched a rocket to the moon about an hour ago

so they want to know if the crew is allright

Houston: Pig 1, pig 1 come in plz
Pig 1: knorr knorr
Houston: do you know what to do pig 1?
Pig 1: knorr...when we arrive at the moon, i have to press the red button, so this thing lands..knorr
Houston: roger that
Houston: Pig 2, Pig 2 come in plz
Pig 2: knorr knorr
Houston: do you know what to do pig 2?
Pig 2: knorr..i have to press the green button 3 hours after we landed, so we can take off from the moon and go back to earth...knorr
Houston: roger that Pig 2
Houston: dum blonde come in plz
Dum blonde: did i hear someone call my name ??
Houston: Yes dum blonde it is houston speaking,...do you know what to do??
Dum Blonde: Yea yea, dont touch a thing and feed the pigs...

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quote Way_Dragon: "Rush requires movement."

I make pain come happen.

whats brown and sounds like a bell...?




Dunnnnnnnnnnnnnnng!

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they'll have to prise my mouse from my cold dead fingers....

How are washing machines nasty to old people?

They take the piss out of their pants.

Chav joke.

A girl goes into the Benefits Office to sign on. The interviewing Officer asks if she has any children.
"Yeah" she replies, "ten".
"Oh really" says the officer, "what are their names?"
She pauses to think then says "err there's Wayne, Wayne, Wayne....Way...yne, erm, oh yeah, Wayne, Wayne and Wayne, then there's Wayne, Wayne....and er...Wayne!". "Wow" says the Benefits Officer, "all called Wayne? That must be difficult isn't it, I mean all called the same name?"
"Nahh" she replies, "It's like when their dinner is ready I opens the windah and shouts WAYNE! YER TEA'S READY! And they all come in! When it's bedtime I shouts WAYNE, TIME FER BED! And they all go to bed! Simple".
"Yes" says the Benefits Officer, "I see, but what if you wanted to talk to one of them individually?"
"Oh that's simple " she said "I just call them by their surnames".

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Takes No Trap! | TFPC

A man bumps into a woman

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A man bumps into a woman in a hotel lobby and as he does, his elbow goes into her breast. They are both quite startled. The man turns to her and says, "Ma'am, if your heart is as soft as your breast, I know you'll forgive me." She replies, "If your dick is as hard as your elbow, I'm in room 221."

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Went to a zoo, they only had one animal there, a dog............. It was a shitzu....



I’z leakin… bring amberlamps

- What do Viagra And Disney Land have in common?

They both cause you to stand around for an hour waiting for a two minute ride!!

-Why was Phillip's girlfreind dissapointed?

Because she found out that Phillips 24 inch was a television...

-
What did the elephant say to the naked man?

How do you breathe through that thing?

- 'Was your wife a virgin when you married?'

'I don't know. Some say yes. Some say no.'

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Your Soul Is Mine

I'm a scizo

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We are DC, we are BF2, we are CS:S, we are WoW, we are EVE, we are more, we are one... WE ARE GCHQ!

so am I

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We are DC, we are BF2, we are CS:S, we are WoW, we are EVE, we are more, we are one... WE ARE GCHQ!

On hearing that he's facing the death penalty, Saddam Hussein's response was thus: "I want David Beckham to take it."

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The Pancreas of S.T.F.U. | Never take life too seriously - nobody gets out alive anyway.
Disco_jim: um..... I have no excuse. | Chips: Thank the Beef | Rev Dr: Beef, I think i wee'd a little

Did you hear about the mummy that went to the cinema?



He couldnt go, he was all tied up...

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We are DC, we are BF2, we are CS:S, we are WoW, we are EVE, we are more, we are one... WE ARE GCHQ!

Bush begins his speech to open the Olympic Games:

He looks at his paper and says:

- Oooooo! Oooooo! Oooooo! Oooooo! Oooooo!

An aide comes over and whispers:

- Mr. President, these are the Olympic rings... Your speech is below.

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Your Soul Is Mine

.......
A blonde and a Brunette jump off a building at the same time.
Which one lands first?
The brunette- the blonde had to stop and ask for directions!

Facts.

When Nasa start lauching astronauts, they found that the pens doesnt work on gravity 0. To solve the problem they hired the Andersen Counsulting, (Accenture today). After a decade, and 12 millions of dollars spent; they manage the problem, and they built a pen that wrights on gravity 0, under the water, praticly on any surfice like cristal, and in moust temperaturs, like -100º until +300º celsius.

The Russians....well... they use a 0.15 Dls. pencil.......

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Your Soul Is Mine

A Man Phones His Wife

And tells her that in exactly 1 hour he wants her naked doing a handstand facing the mirror in the bedroom.

Hmmm she thinks thats really kinky and waits with anticipation for her husbands return.

An hour later she hears the car skid to a halt, so she quickly undresses and does a handstand facing the mirror.

She hears her husband run up the drive slam the door shut bolt up the stairs and he kicks the bedroom door open.

He runs across the bedroom ripping his shirt off and kneels behind his naked wife.

Hmmm he says stroking her pubic hair...... I think a Goatee will really suit me..........

Why is that when a man talks dirty to a woman ,its sexual harassement, but when a woman talks dirty to a man i´ts $ 3.95/ minute ?

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Your Soul Is Mine